Throughout my life, things have always “worked out”. A key metric I utilized to make decisions was if I would remember the decision in 5+ years. If not, picking either would suffice.

For a singular decision, this makes sense. Why waste mental space on trivial matters (see: Nihilism)?

Unfortunately, the truth is that with each lazy decision that I created, I further surpressed my trajectory from growing, and began to lose true intentful purpose as a human. The lazy decisions compounded, and have led to a massive existential crisis once again.

My old solution to this crisis was that it’s not that deep, so just continue doing whatever I’m doing and it should all be okay. Now I’m stranded in a life I didn’t even mean to create. How shameful is that?

I owe much of this realization to the people I met over the past year. Key shoutout goes to Joss though. She is the most purposeful and intentional person I have ever met. Others are listed in Thank You