My Unsung Heroes

My Unsung Heroes: a collection of people who unknowingly changed my life

I love my parents. I love my brother. I love my best friends. And they (hopefully) know it. These people were the flames, anvils, and hammers that forged me into who I am today. Most of my memories are flooded with their hysterical laughs and unforgettable Lessons.

There is a separate group of people though. The ones that I’ve only known for a relative instant in the grand scheme of my life. Still, they found their way into my core memories, of which I am reminded often enough to be sitting here writing a whole blog post about them. Their stories have marinated in my thoughts for years—I relish in the memories of their memories. They don’t remember that I exist, but I call them my unsung heroes. [1]

Before peeking into my recollections of these vibrant people, take a second to think about your own unsung heroes.

Do you want to thank them? Do you wonder if they remember you?

The truth is, it doesn’t matter. In fact, it is probable that these unsung heroes are not heroes at all; they are just regular people trying unbelievably hard to navigate the world that surrounds them. But why let that ruin the magic? By mere chance, they bestowed you with the gift of a story. One that teaches of pain, passion, love, or angst. One that was once a pebble in the vastness of your mind, now having burgeoned into a pillar.

Many think about how to be a great friend or sibling or partner or parent, but it’s just as important to be a good stranger. Every single interaction has the possibility of being a catalyst. Tell your grandest stories. Woo those around you with your quirks, mannerisms, and idiotic hope for what is to come. Toss a pebble into their mind. Who knows? You might just turn into an unsung hero yourself.

Feel free to stop reading here. The rest of this post is an ode to those who I may not be able to thank in the future. I want to etch my gratitude in stone. Reflection out of the way, here are a collection of people who unknowingly changed my life. Here are my unsung heroes [2]:

Jina

When I was in middle school, my dad and I began a tradition of playing chess while eating dinner. Every evening, we would play. Every evening, I would lose. Until one day, I won. And as a victory present, one that I would come to cherish to this day, my dad took me to our local chess club.

Jina was sitting alone at a small table. I could see no more than her spirited red hair and her piercing eyes settled on the board that sat in front of her. The pieces formed a constellation of sorts, each one with indirect connections to the next.

Jina ushered me to the chair sitting opposite to her. White goes first. And as we began, Gina’s lips curled into a grin. She moved with grace, each move more confident than the last. It was as if she had lived in that world; respectful of the knights and loyal to the king. She had befriended each piece, sojourned on each of the 64 squares, and now she could call that board her home.

As I went to make my move, Jina stopped me. In a both daunting and supportive Ukranian accent, she asked: “what is the threat?”

I lost. But not before she promised me to run a chess club at my school. And with every visit came the same question: “what is the threat?”

For those who play chess, this is an unbelievably helpful trick. For those who don’t, it is still as lifechanging. This question creates a framework and attempts to provide clarity through the fog of making decisions. What is the threat? Are there any threats at all? Are these threats real? Are there bigger threats? It’s likely that these words will not hold the same gravitas in your mind as it does in my heart, but I urge you keep asking yourself what the threat really is. Chances are, it’s not what you thought it was.

In 2018, I learned of Jina’s passing. She had the most clear and pressing threat of all: cancer. As a true chess player though, Jina understood that her mortality was not really the threat, but rather the limited time she had to impact her community. And with that in mind, she did.

Liam

I met Liam when I heard that he wanted a website built for his new luxury clothing company. Making the website was fun, but he would often take me out to lunches and just talk about how he came up from nothing, doing what he loved, with just pure hustle.

I can’t do justice to his stories aside from saying that they are inspiring.

Teachers

I was going to add some teachers in here, but to be honest, most of the teachers I’ve interacted with have changed my life. I will probably do a separate post about this in the future.

Carsen

I was outside in the blazing heat practicing my basketball handling skills, my mind still fogged from the fresh argument I had with my parents. A car parked a couple of meters away from me, but the driver didn’t get out. Instead he rummaged through his glove box to find a shimmering white golf ball, and held it with enough grace that it must have been the golden snitch.

He hurried out of the car, approaching me with an idea for a basketball drill. “Dribble with one hand, keep tossing the golf ball up in the other. When your arms are tired, switch.”

That was it. He went inside to his house and continued his day. I’m not even sure if he remembers me. But I still have the golf ball.

Anika

I met Anika in the Dominican Republic when we were put in a group together to help rebuild a school. Aside from her compassion and dedication to making the world a better place, she was pretty eccentric. I like eccentric.

She was a dreamer with a knack for wild ideas. It was her playful attitude towards life that I enjoyed the most. I mean, who else would set up a freestyle rap battle minutes after meeting the most important figures in Canadian parliament? Who else would design a social experiment to see how people would act when walking on a sidewalk? Who else would teach a group to gasp from laughter in the middle of the airport?

I believe that not enough people embody childlike wonder. They would rather speak of death, taxes, and opportunity cost. I would rather be like Anika: spark awe in those around me (and enjoy their reaction of course).

Matt

Sitting down in a workshop, Matt asked all of us to write down up to three of our most impactful personal strengths. I wrote the only one that I could think of: I’m pretty good at engaging people in an activity.

As Matt strolled around the room, glancing at everyone’s “future sheet”, he stopped for an extra second at mine. I was excited—after all, I did jot down some of my most precious ideas onto that paper.

I always felt like Matt was enlightened. He was sure to fill his environment with a sure energy. As he looked down at my paper, he asked for my pencil, and wrote down one more strength for me. Analytical.

To this day, I’m not sure what his goal was with writing that word. Was it to boost my self esteem? Was it to make my page look less empty? I also don’t know what I thought about myself before he wrote this word. Certainly I wouldn’t have described myself as analytical at the time.

With this one word came a mindset change. If Matt thought that I was analytical, then it must be true. Maybe I was analytical all along. However, I am sure that Matt had somehow manifested this trait into me for the rest of time. I wonder if I could do that for someone else.

Notes [1] There is a very small chance they remember that I exist* [2] There are many more people that have actually unknowingly changed my life, however they are still in my life. I plan on making sure they know the impact they have had on me.